As our loved ones age, communication can often become more challenging. Our senses may not be as sharp as they once were, and other conditions, such as dementia, can significantly impact how we understand and are understood by our elderly relatives. For both elderly loved ones and family members trying to communicate, it can become a frustrating experience if not tackled effectively and cause a real strain on the relationship dynamic. However, that doesn’t need to be the case, and there are several top tips and useful methods to use when communicating becomes that little bit more difficult with your loved ones.
At Valorum, our expert carers use a variety of methods to ensure that residents and the people we care for fully understand and are communicated with effectively. Here are seven tips they provided to help you engage with your elderly loved ones more effectively.
Be Patient
The first thing you need to do is be a lot more patient in how you speak. A loved one who has entered an older age may take longer to process what you’re saying, so it’s important to talk at a pace that suits them. Please don’t rush through a conversation, and allow for moments of silence in order for them to get an opportunity to say what they wish to say. These pauses also allow you to ensure they fully understand the conversation so far.
Patience in communication is not just about slowing down but also about being receptive and showing empathy. Understanding that older adults might need more time to articulate their thoughts or respond can make conversations smoother and more meaningful. Patience also involves repeating information when necessary and providing reassurances without appearing patronising.
Keep Topics to One at a Time
Flitting from one topic of conversation to the next, like we might when talking to a group of friends, should be avoided as this can cause confusion. Keep it to one topic at a time and avoid asking multiple questions on that topic in a row. Use more of a question-and-answer dialogue and run through them clearly.
When you need to change the topic of conversation, make sure they are aware that you’re both going to be moving on to another topic and allow them to process that information before continuing to talk. Transitioning smoothly between topics can help maintain clarity and keep the conversation flowing naturally.
Ask Questions
Monologues will tend to get you nowhere. Asking elderly loved ones questions is actually one of the best and most valuable ways to connect with them. It allows you to get a firmer grasp on what they want or need and can even increase their independence as, eventually, decisions may have to start being made for them.
It can be as simple as asking someone what they want for breakfast or dinner rather than telling them, or perhaps if they have some form of issue, asking them how they’d like to solve it rather than simply doing it for them. Essentially, by asking questions, it gives your loved one the chance to be heard, something which can cause frustration in later life if they do not believe that to be the case.
Moreover, questions can be brilliant in sparking memories and really rolling back the years if you’re seeking a fun and reminiscent conversation with a loved one. Questions about their past, hobbies, or favourite experiences can lead to rich, rewarding conversations that bring joy and strengthen your bond.
Laugh with Them
Showing our emotions and fun side with our loved ones is crucial. Laughing and joking can really strengthen bonds and improve the mental health of our loved ones. Naturally, you need to understand their sense of humour, but if you can laugh and joke around with them from time to time, not at their own expense, then it can really make someone’s day and see their personality come out.
Humour can be a powerful tool to lighten stressful situations and keep morale high among everyone involved. Sharing a laugh can create a sense of camaraderie and make more challenging conversations easier to navigate. It’s important to find moments of joy and connection, even in the midst of difficult circumstances.
Reduce Distractions During Conversations
The right setting can be incredibly valuable when it comes to conversing with elderly relatives and loved ones. Older adults can be more sensitive to sounds, so if the television is on in the background or you’re in a busy area, it can be difficult to get your point across, and they may even find it distressing.
Ensure you’ve got a quiet environment. If one ear’s hearing is better than the other in your loved one’s, try to position yourself on that side, although it is important to be still able to look eye to eye, as visual cues can also be valuable in communicating. This will ensure the conversation goes as smoothly as possible and allow you to get various points and questions across effectively.
Additionally, consider the lighting and seating arrangements. Comfortable, well-lit spaces can help your loved one feel more at ease and focused during your conversation. Minimising distractions helps in creating an environment where they feel valued and respected.
Use Simple Language and Clear Articulation
When speaking with elderly loved ones, using simple language and clear articulation is essential. Avoid using jargon or complex sentences that might be hard to follow. Instead, opt for straightforward language and speak clearly without raising your voice unless necessary.
Pronouncing words distinctly and using visual aids when possible can greatly enhance understanding. Sometimes, writing things down can be helpful, especially for individuals with hearing difficulties. Clear communication helps in reducing misunderstandings and ensures that your loved one feels included and respected in the conversation.
Show Respect and Empathy
Respect and empathy are fundamental when communicating with elderly loved ones. Always address them with courtesy and kindness. Avoid speaking to them as if they are children, and recognise their experiences and knowledge. Showing genuine interest in their stories and opinions can make them feel valued and appreciated.
Empathy involves putting yourself in their shoes and understanding their emotions and perspectives. Acknowledge their feelings and concerns without dismissing them. This approach fosters a deeper connection and encourages more open and honest communication.
Non-Verbal Communication
Non-verbal communication plays a significant role in interacting with elderly loved ones. Body language, facial expressions, and eye contact can convey messages just as effectively as words. Smiling, nodding, and maintaining eye contact show that you are engaged and attentive.
Touch can also be a powerful form of non-verbal communication. A gentle touch on the hand or shoulder can provide comfort and reassurance. However, always be mindful of their personal space and preferences.
Encourage Independence
Encouraging independence is crucial for the well-being of elderly loved ones. Allow them to make decisions and participate in activities they enjoy. Empowering them to take part in daily routines and tasks can boost their confidence and self-esteem.
Support their independence by providing choices and respecting their autonomy. Whether it’s choosing their clothes, planning their meals, or deciding on activities, involving them in decision-making processes reinforces their sense of control and dignity.
Active Listening
Active listening is an essential skill in effective communication. It involves fully concentrating, understanding, responding, and remembering what is being said. Show your loved one that you are genuinely interested in their words by nodding, maintaining eye contact, and providing verbal affirmations.
Avoid interrupting or finishing their sentences, even if you anticipate what they are going to say. Allow them the time to express themselves fully. Reflecting back on what they have said and asking follow-up questions demonstrates that you value their input and are engaged in the conversation.
Be Calm, Polite, and Considerate
Some people have a bad habit of talking down to elderly people, and while it can be important to talk slower, you don’t want it to cross the line into patronisation. Speaking on the same level can be a good way to avoid coming across as condescending, so if they’re sitting down, sit down with them, or if they’re in a wheelchair, for example, crouch down or sit down to their level.
Importantly, it would help if you avoided arguments or lectures that can make people feel isolated and anxious. If you disagree on an important decision, then look at finding the solution collaboratively rather than going down a route of telling them exactly what they should do.
You may find yourself frustrated, but it’s so valuable to stay calm and polite to maintain the relationship and keep that communication flowing effectively. Do that, and you’ll find fulfilling, engaging, and worthwhile conversations, ensuring your loved one gets the right care for them, values their independence, and, importantly, enjoys spending time conversing with you, too.
Communicating effectively with elderly loved ones requires patience, empathy, and respect. By being patient, keeping topics focused, asking questions, sharing laughter, reducing distractions, using clear language, showing respect, and encouraging independence, you can create meaningful and fulfilling interactions. Non-verbal communication, active listening, and maintaining a calm and considerate approach further enhance your ability to connect with your elderly loved ones.
At Valorum, every conversation is an opportunity to strengthen bonds and improve the well-being of those we care for. By following these tips, you can ensure that your loved one feels valued, heard, and understood, fostering a deeper and more rewarding relationship. Effective communication is not just about exchanging words; it’s about building trust, showing love, and creating a supportive environment where your elderly loved ones can thrive.